Separation Anxiety

You’re a stay-at-home mom who recently decided to reenter the workforce. While your world is turning upside down with change, your child’s reality is changing, too - quite dramatically! You may find that your son or daughter experiences separation anxiety upon facing your new schedule. But there is help. There are several things you can do to make the transition easier for your child, as well as your own state of mind:

Focus on the positive. Your child is having difficulty because he or she has bonded with you. There are many serious problems that can occur later in life if your child does not have a close connection with you – know that your influence is, and will continue to be, important to your child’s development.

Know that children are often sensitive to their parents’ moods. Often, when children are stressing out, they want to near their parents, but when parents are feeling stressed, they want to have some space from their children – hence the conflict of trying to leave when your child wants you to stay. If mom’s response is made in a reassuring, unexaggerated and matter-of-fact way when leaving, such as acting like she is going into another room, then her mood won't signal to her child, "Hey! Something big is happening!"

Do less talking and more walking. Often, parents drag-out the leaving process, turning it into an event with talking, extra hugging and coming back and forth to see to their crying child. This attention usually makes thing worse. The hardest, but perhaps best, thing to do when leaving your child is to leave quickly.
Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Remember that if you had someone hold you all day, and suddenly that person was gone, you would be stressed, too. In the interest of making “leaving time” easier, do more brief coming and going activities when you aren’t really leaving the house. As your child becomes satisfied that you always return, he or she may become less anxious when you leave. Play peek-a-boo or hide and seek to make coming and going more spontaneous. Leave quickly, but when you return, hug and nurture your child.

Help with a soothing scent. Get one of your sweaters or a throw blanket and wrap your child in your belongings. Rock and gently massage your child before you leave. The comfort might help lessen the anxiety.

If a caregiver is taking over for you during the day, make sure he or she does not hold the crying baby and wave goodbye – activities such as these reinforce both parental and child anxiety. Instead, ask your caregiver to start with fun activities for the three of you, then slowly lessen your own involvement in those activities so that your leave is less noticeable.

Redirect. When your child notices that you are gone and becomes upset, quickly start a new and engaging activity to redirect their attention.
While the transition from stay-at-home mom to leaving-home mom will still be difficult, these tips may help the process become one of closeness, caring and growth.