Being "In Control"

Being "In Control" — The Possible and Impossible in Parenting

 

Parents are expected to stay "in control" of their lives, their children, and themselves. Some major parts of this expectation are impossible to fulfill! But because there is no way to learn parenting skills and truths ahead of time, we parents struggle and worry when we don't seem to be "in control," or when being "in control" means being harsh with our children. Let's first outline the things no parent can fully control.

• We don't have full control over our lives. Hard things can happen to us and to our children, and societal oppressions can force us into inhuman circumstances. There are things we can do to try to keep our families healthy, but we don't have full control there. There are things we can do to be able to pay our bills, but job security and earning worthy wages for working class jobs are not things we alone have the power to determine. We work at building good relationships, but many of us don't begin with the tools, support, information, or time to solve critical relationship problems. We are also up against racism, drugs, violence, and harshness on the schoolyards and the streets. By ourselves, we and our children are vulnerable to hurt and unforeseen difficulties. To blame ourselves for lack of control makes no sense. The influence we can have when we face these oppression-based or health-based hard times lies in our ability to organize with others to do what's necessary, WITH LOTS OF HELP.
• We don't have control over our children's behavior. We do have deep influence on them. How we love, cherish, and treat our children affects them moment by moment, and for the rest of their lives. But our influence doesn't mean that we can exert control over how they behave and feel. Nor does it mean that a child whose behavior is difficult comes from a parent who is not trying hard enough, or is not doing the right things. Our children are subject to difficulties because of circumstances beyond our control--their health, accidents, unforeseen encounters with people who don't care for them well, enormous stress on us, frightening incidents that couldn't be anticipated. When children are hurt by these kinds of circumstances, their behavior does reflect their fears, and they may be perceived as "difficult." But this is not the parents' fault! What's more, this "off track" behavior is a necessary signal that the child gives that she's been wounded and needs attention. As difficult as their behavior may be, we parents can be grateful that our children refuse to suffer silently when they feel too isolated or frightened or angry to think.
• In the short run, we sometimes don't have control over our own behavior. It's one of the great shocks of parenting to find ourselves yelling at or hurting our beloved children, when we never ever intended to do so. There are things they do that drive us nuts--whining, making messes, fighting with each other, using street language, "talking back" when we're trying to gain control. We each have our personal thresholds, past which lose power over our own behavior. Usually, we become very like our own parents when they were lost in reaction.
• Finally, we don't have full control over how other people feel about us or our children. We parents try hard to get our children to meet some unwritten standard of conformity, hoping that if they "act right," people will like them. In fact, we live in a society in which grownups are taught to see children as "trouble," "a problem," "extra work," "in the way," and more. This training is widespread, and no matter how fully a child may conform, those attitudes lie under the surface in many people, waiting to be triggered. We as parents need to decide, on our children's behalf, not to attack our children to please grownups who only accept children if they act like little adults. Even a child's best behavior can't cure that kind of hostile attitude. So if your child is having a healthy tantrum in front of a relative who is loudly demanding that you be harsh to her, you can simply move to a back bedroom to handle the situation, taking the time you need. Being harsh to your child on someone else's demand won't help your self-respect, it won't change that grownup's bias against your child, and it sets you against the child you love dearly.

The Goal of Being a Learner

I think goals that we parents can reasonably set for ourselves are:

• To enjoy our children
• To learn something every day
• To treat ourselves and our children like learners.

 

Story time kids...

Once up on a time there was a small town in a beautiful country called India.

In that town there were these two kids named AN and AS. Both were known in their community for their intelligence and good behaviour.

But there is a dark secret. Both had a peculiar and weird problem, one among them (AN) used to mingle with all other members of the community but still would feel "Alone in my own world".

The other (AS) almost lived in his own world and always think about things that are not happening in his life. These two felt it is biggest problem anyone can have in this world.

One day both these met in school and discussed their problems and felt its time for them to find the solution.

They heard their friends discussing about a fairy in near by jungle who is kind to people and fulfils the wishes of good people.

Once their exams were over they went to jungle to look for the fairy. After roaming around for a few hours they found fairy. Fairy had a look at these boys and asked them what they were doing in the jungle.

AN said "O my kind fairy! Please hear my problem which is the most gruesome trouble in this whole world. I'm a loner and always feel that I have nobody who can care about me. I always feel I have less money (and this boy has hugeeeeeeeee property, mobiles which he changes 4 times a year, a bike and a car) .Please help me "

Fairy patiently listened to him. And then it was AS's turn. He starts " O dear fairy! Don't listen to AN. I'm sure you would feel my problem is the worst in the world when you hear mine. I'm fed up and have no time to look around other beautiful things in the world. I'm the only person who seems to be working and have no one to say hi or talk to me lovingly and also nobody has time to talk to me. Also I'm carzy for bikes and always confused on what to buy. Please help me".

Fairy clearly knew these kids need good counselling and starts telling them to spend some time with their family n friends in community.

We know kids right ? They never listen. And they thought this fairy is not sounding right and termed her too as a kid. That's it Fairy got soooo angry that she cursed both of them that they would always remain kids their whole life. And even after 15-20 years AS and AN remained kids forever. 

 

8 lies of a mother!

This story begins when I was a child: I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say 'Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry.'
This was Mother's First Lie.

As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish she caught, she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught just two fish, she would make fish soup. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten; My heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, 'Eat this fish, son! I don't really like fish.'
This was Mother's Second Lie.

Then, in order to fund my education, Mother went to a Match Factory to bring home some used matchboxes which she filled with fresh matchsticks. This helped her get some money to cover our needs. One wintry night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes by candlelight. So I said, 'Mother, go to sleep; it's late: you can continue working tomorrow morning.' Mother smiled and said 'Go to sleep, son! I'm not tired.'
This was Mother's Third Lie
When I had to sit my Final Examination, Mother accompanied me. After dawn, Mother waited for me for hours in the heat of the sun. When the bell rang, I ran to meet her. Mother embraced me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos. The tea was not as strong as my Mother's love, Seeing Mother covered with perspiration; I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said 'Drink, son! I'm not thirsty!⦣8364;
This was Mother's Fourth Lie.
After Father's death, Mother had to play the role of a single parent. She held on to her former job; she had to fund our needs alone. Our family's life was more complicated. We suffered from starvation. Seeing our family's condition worsening, my kind Uncle who lived near my house came to help us solve our problems big and small. Our other neighbors saw that we were poverty stricken so they often advised my mother to marry again. But Mother refused to remarry saying 'I don't need love.'
This was Mother's Fifth Lie.

After I had finished my studies and gotten a job, it was time for my old Mother to retire but she carried on going to the market every morning just to sell a few vegetables. I kept sending her money but she was steadfast and even sent the money back to me. She said, 'I have enough money.'
That was Mother's Sixth Lie.

I continued my part-time studies for my Master's Degree. Funded by the American Corporation for which I worked, I succeeded in my studies. With a big jump in my salary, I decided to bring Mother to enjoy life in America but Mother didn't want to bother her son; she said to me 'I'm not used to high living.'
That was Mother's Seventh Lie

In her dotage, Mother was attacked by cancer and had to be hospitalized. Now living far across the ocean, I went home to visit Mother who was bedridden after an operation. Mother tried to smile but I was heartbroken because she was so thin and feeble but Mother said, 'Don't cry, son! I'm not in pain.'
That was Mother's Eighth Lie.

Telling me this, her eighth lie, she died.
YES, MOTHER WAS AN ANGEL!

M - O - T - H - E - R
'M' is for the Million things she gave me, 'O' means Only that she's growing old, 'T' is for the Tears she shed to save me, 'H' is for her Heart of gold,
'E' is for her Eyes with love-light shining in them,
'R' means Right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell 'MOTHER' a word that means the world to me.
 For those of you who are lucky to be still blessed with your Mom's presence on Earth, this story is beautiful. For those who aren't so blessed, this is even more beautiful.

 

WHEN MATHEMATICS

When Mathematics 'zeros in' on the truth

 

Consider this and you are bound to marvel...

  1 x 8 + 1 = 9
  12 x 8 + 2 = 98
  123 x 8 + 3 = 987
  1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
  12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
  123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
   1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
  12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
  123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

  1 x 9 + 2 = 11
  12 x 9 + 3 = 111
  123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
  1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
  12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
  123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
  1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
  12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
  123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

  9 x 9 + 7 = 88
  98 x 9 + 6 = 888
  987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
  9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
  98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
  987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
  9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
  98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

  Brilliant, isn't it?

  And look at this symmetry:

  1 x 1 = 1
  11 x 11 = 121
  111 x 111 = 12321
  1111 x 1111 = 1234321
  11111 x 11111 = 123454321
  111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
  1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
  11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
  111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321

  Now, take a look at this...

   101% 

  From a strictly mathematical viewpoint: 

  What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

  Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

  We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER
  100%.

  How about ACHIEVING 101%?

   What equals 100% in life?

  Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these
  questions:

  If:

  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

  Is represented as:

  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

  If: 

  H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

  8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%  

  And:

   K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

  11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%

  But:

   A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

  1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100% 

  THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

  L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D

  12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

  Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

  While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
  get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

Worshipping "an infinite   God",

 

Your Guide To Getting the Best Easter Gifts

Easter is the time to spend with friends and family, a great time to celebrate the new spring season and the renewal of life everywhere after winter's chill. It's also the time when godparents, grandparents, and family friends get to do some of their best gift-giving.

  

Presented below are several ways to find the right Easter gift for the child in your life. Easter gifts are meant to represent an aesthetic that's lovely without being showy, and meaningful without being sentimental. Like the finest clothes worn to Sunday services, the best Easter gift shows class without showing itself off.

 

 Understand that Easter is not "Springtime Christmas"

  

Some parents and family friends misunderstand the meaning of Easter gifts, essentially confusing the Easter season as a kind of ancillary Christmas. The right Easter gift communicates the best wishes for spring and summer, the seasons of rebirth and renewal. By contrast, Christmas is more sentimental and nostalgic in nature.

 

 Easter is also a more formal occasion than Christmas. For Christians, it celebrates Christ's rebirth and the verification of his teachings and prophecy. On a secular level, it also commemorates the sense of new life. It's no coincidence that the colors of spring - soft pastels of green, blue, yellow, and white - are often the colors of a baby nursery.

  

Finding the right Easter gift with the right message.

 

Giving the right Easter gift also depends on a certain extent on the etiquette and place of the gift-giver. For example, grandparents are ideally allowed to give much greater and elaborate gifts than godparents.

 

 

To give an overly elaborate gift seems showy and, to a certain extent, selfish. (As if the givers are calling attention to themselves.) But giving something too small will seem tacky.

 

 

Parents and grandparents should plan to give anything they like. Godparents and siblings of the parents can give clothing ensembles or keepsakes for the baby or the nursery. Family friends and others should plan to give smaller gifts, such as a single item of clothing or a decoration for the nursery.

 

 

How to gift wrap and present the Easter gift.

 

Presents can be given to the family any time up to Easter Sunday, but should be opened that Sunday. As a matter of taste, gifts should not be exchanged on Good Friday.

 

 

There's no set etiquette for the gift-wrap or presentation. Most will want to choose gift-wrapping in a color scheme that fits the season. Personalized gifts might also include a keepsake gift box or container.

 

Students need to eat right

 

‘Students need to eat right’

Students should follow a balanced diet to feed their minds during exams, advises of  senior dieticians at AIIMS

 

STUDENTS face a lot of stress when their examinations are around the corner. Parental support and following a fixed routine for one's studies are the things that many students keep in mind to cope with stress. But it is also important to pay attention to what you eat during examinations, as consuming the wrong type of food can have adverse effects. It is also important to neither over nor under eat, as all these things directly affect the brain's functioning. A healthy and nutritious diet can also help in fighting stress. Here are a few dietary measures that may prove beneficial:
   Have a balanced diet: Foods rich in carbohydrates, proteins, vitamins and minerals should be included in the diet. Carbohydrates are something we often avoid, but if you go in for complex carbohydrates like whole cereals, wheat and ragi, in place of refined carbohydrates like Maida, it will help in keeping your brain alert.
   Consume small meals: Instead of bulky meals, five to six small feedings should be encouraged as this practice keeps blood sugar and energy levels steady.
   Avoid tea and coffee: High-energy foods like coffee, tea, aerated drinks and chocolates should be avoided because they provide instant energy that wears out soon. Almonds, walnuts and boiled legumes (channa) are good long-term energy sources.
   Don't skip breakfast: Past research shows that students who eat breakfast have much better concentration and memory recall than those who skip breakfast. Do not take memory pills: Some students consume them to help grasp syllabus. This can prove fatal to their health in the long run.
   Drink lots of water: When there is so much of activity in the brain the body is prone to dehydration. So drink a lot of water. In addition, water helps to digest all the food and leads to a high metabolic rate, which is beneficial for students.

DIET PLAN



Breakfast:

Two to four dates (on waking up), one glass of health drink like Horlicks plus one beetroot + one carrot + one orange + tomato juice, five-eight almonds, one toast (whole wheat bread) or sandwich, one egg.

Lunch:

Two soya + wheat chapattis (1:1 proportion), sprouts - one cup curd - one cup + two spoons of white til (without skin), vegetables and fresh salad.

Tea:

One cup Horlicks + five-eight almonds + eight-10 black raisins

Dinner:

Brown rice or two soya + wheat chappatis (1:1 proportion), Dal or fish, vegetables + fresh salad.

 

 

Education for the special kind

Education for the special kind

 

 

Every child needs and deserves good living conditions. Education is one of the most required entities to survive on. School is like a second home. What if the second home treats you like a stranger? What if it treats you like an unwanted piece of non-existence? In many schools, this is the bare reality. Our system of education is now limited to the arenas of intelligence and good appearance. Any handicap, be it mental or physical restricts a child from merging into the mainstream. Why is it so? A volunteer with CRY seen the case studies of such children and mentioned that they do not know what to expect from their adults for they do nothing but separate them from others.

 

It is funny but our government has made rules regarding the inclusion of these handicapped children. The children can study in normal schools and do not need to go to special schools. These children are often neglected and not provided with required help. When asked about the same, the authorities trail off by dismissing them as "special children" who need to go to special schools. But the reality is that these special schools are often very expensive. A social organization or a NGO might not be able to provide the appropriate education needed. They might provide some vocational training. The government has thought of making ramps in schools but the question is that-is the society ready to accept the intermingling of them with the other children? It is time we think for them and think with our hearts and not our minds.